April 29th, started like any other normal day. I woke up, looked at my big belly, and got up really fast hoping it would coax my water into breaking. Little did I know....nothing exciting whatsoever would happen that day.
My whole pregnancy I knew due dates were nothing to set your heart on. Mine was April 23rd, and I was pretty sure I’d go way over that. Sure enough, my due date came and went...and I found myself having to stay very busy to keep distracted every day of the week I went overdue. Thankful for friends who went on adventures with me( and my very large midsection), my husband who kept taking me on dates and walks, and our new house, for it’s crisp white walls that gave me projects to paint while I wasted time. I had no idea “wasting time” would not be something I had the luxury of once our baby girl came.
The week after my due date, I tried everything to get things moving along naturally. Long hikes, herbal secrets, and spices galore. And yet, nothing seemed to make a difference. When people found out I was “past due” they looked at me like the baby was going to fall out at any moment. And I thought, if this is a sign of my daughter’s personality we’re in for a treat. And I can tell you now it was.
I woke up Monday, April 30th, exactly a week past my due date, at about seven in the morning, to my first contraction. I lay in bed, relishing the moment, wondering if this was “really it”, because, up until this point, I had had zero signs of impending labor. Jeremy had left early to work at our friend’s ranch that morning, so I hopped in the shower and realized they were definitely coming in a pattern and getting a little bit more intense. Jeremy swung by the house to change before heading into work, but I told him with a big smile “I think we’re having a baby today!”. He hugged me and my big belly tightly and smiled the most proud smile.
I called my mom to come down from Santa Maria. She, Jeremy, and our Doula were my labor support. At this point my contractions felt like really bad period cramps and I though to myself, “Dang, I must have a really high pain tolerance! I can totally do this naturally. I don’t know what everyone fusses about.” I laugh now, thinking how insanely crazy I was to think that. I had a loooong day of contractions ahead of me!
I labored at home for almost my entire labor. What I loved about it, was that normal life was still going on around me. Jeremy was working from home, my mom was tidying around the house, the neighbors were tinkering away....and I was having a baby. It just felt so natural and normal. I was sitting on the couch, chatting between contractions, and when one would come, I’d fling myself over my birthing ball, and do all the things necessary to get through it.
I wasn’t going to have my dilation checked because it’s usually never an indicator of how much longer you have, and it can so easily dishearten you. But after an entire day of labor, I asked my doula to come over that afternoon around four and check me. She asked if I wanted to know, and I said yes. I was only at three centimeters. And, of course, your brain kicks into math mode, and I immediately starting calculating how many hours per centimeter it was taking me, and I felt so disheartened! But, in labor, you don’t have time to focus on things for very long. My doula left and said to call her if things turned a corner, and about twenty minutes later Jeremy called and said, “Ummm...I think things turned a corner!”.
This is when things got crazy. I was making primal noises I didn’t even know I could make. I was in another zone, completely unaware of anything around me. I was completely exhausted. And the contractions, oh the contractions! Jeremy and my mom were incredible at helping me through, getting anything I needed, and encouraging me on. But at this point, I didn’t even feel like myself. Jeremy encouraged me to walk around while leaning on him, knowing everyone said how good that is during contractions, and I begged him not to make me. And of course, once I was up walking, it definitely did help. At one point, we were doing slow laps around the dining room table, and Jeremy said, “Just lean on me, babe”...and out of no where he breaks into song singing Lean on Me, and the entire time I’m thinking is this really happening right now?! Why won’t he shut up. Ok, just let him get through the song. And as he finished, I breathed in a sigh of relief, only to hear him breaking into another song! I looked up at him, through exhausted eyes...and told him to Shutup...now! I thought I said it somewhat politely...but I guess most women aren’t as polite as they think they are during labor.
My doula checked my cervix after I had “turned the corner” and was now in active labor and she told me I was a four five, progressing beautifully. Jeremy continued to encourage me, embrace me, wipe my forehead.... and he even brought down some of Elsie’s little dresses and hung them through the living room so I could visualize and remember why I was laboring so hard.
Then....I had to push. Like crazy, nothing-can-hold-me-back need to push! I yelled that to Jeremy and Ronda (my amazing doula) and they looked at me in disbelief because she had only checked me fifteen minutes before. There was no way I had progressed that far. She asked me if I was sure I needed to push, and I yelled YES! She checked me again and I had progressed to a six cm in fifteen minutes. She looked up at Jeremy and very calmly told him we needed to go the hospital....now. She also told me I had to do everything I could to not push in the car. Which is practically impossible.
Th rest is kind of a huge blur. I remember driving quickly to the hospital, and it had just started raining. We got married in the rain, and I had always hoped Elsie would be born in the rain. We pulled up to the hospital, and one look at me, and they knew there wasn’t time for paperwork or anything. They threw me in a wheelchair and rushed me up to a room. Once up there, the amazing nurses checked me, and I was already at a nine centimeters! Within twenty minutes I’d gone from six centimeters to nine! They didn’t have time for an IV or anything. I was pushing that baby out!
Thankfully they let Jeremy and I go into the birthing tub, which was incredible relief as I continued to push. It absolutely amazed me that my body knew exactly what to do to birth my baby. I wasn’t even thinking, I was just surrendering to what my body was doing and what God made it to do. I felt so calm in the midst of all the craziness. Jeremy let me grab onto his forearms as I squatted and continued pushing, noises coming out of my mouth that I’d never heard before, and my face probably looking like it was going to explode. At one point I said, “ I hope she comes out black!” Which, if you know me, would make sense.
Then it happened, laying on the bed now (not how had I wanted to deliver), her head started coming out. It was the most surreal thing ever to see in the mirror they rolled over... my daughter’s head, as she tried to make her way into the world. And it was the most amazing thing, as if her and I were in this beautiful partnership, working together for her to come meet us. After two hours of pushing, and absolutely no medical intervention, Elsie Love Sutherland came into the world, and stole our hearts from the minute she took her first breathe. She was born at 11:20pm on April 30th. Forty minutes later and she would have been born in May. She knew what she wanted.
Seven pounds five ounces of delight. We did it! I have never felt so proud and empowered. I felt like I could do anything. Because of all the natural adrenaline, endorphins, and oxytocin... it felt like an out of body experience. I remember looking at Elsie and being in shock that she was my daughter. I loved it. Being a mama has been the most beautifully hard, rewarding, refining thing of my life. And I wouldn’t trade a second of it. God has drenched us in joy and grace as we have become a family of three and are learning to be good parents. I am so grateful for such an incredible husband, who was my rock, encouraged me, was patient with me... and well, kind of helped make our baby! I’m grateful for my mom who so peacefully knew just how to help. And I’m grateful for my dear doula and all the nursing staff at the hospital. They kept telling me I was a rockstar and supported me in my decision for a natural birth and never pushed anything on me. I’m thankful to God for blessing us with the most amazing little girl. And I’m thankful for Elsie, for showing me a love I’ve never known before.
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