(My last day pregnant)
September 27th has easily become one of the best days of my life. Obviously, besides marrying Jeremy, and giving birth to Elsie. It seems so hard to write down such an incredible experience, but I want to remember all of the details. Posie was ‘due’ September 21st, but because Elsie was a week late, I expected the same thing this time around. It was an amazingly sweet summer in the last stretch of pregnancy, as I soaked up every single last drop of Elsie being our only child. I anticipated Posie’s arrival, but was in no hurry for her to come. The weekend of my due date I started having contractions/Braxton Hicks and had a full on meltdown to Jeremy telling him I wasn’t ready for two kids, and definitely not ready to go into labor again. I bawled and panicked (It’s funny how contractions start up and all of the sudden you remember, all too well, what labor feel like).
The next day, I talked to my doula, and to another amazing friend who is also a doula. They both encouraged me, reminding me that we have prayed for and longed for this sweet girl to come. And, that I am capable and strong. My body was made for this. I started shifting my thinking from the fear of this giant thing ahead, to trusting an incredible God who would, not only give me the strength to birth our daughter, but also to be able to have the strength to get through the giant transition of having two kids. So, the next week ended up being incredible. We did lots of fun things, and I’m so thankful for the awesome friends who kept us distracted each day. The day before I went into labor, Jeremy and I had a date night planned, and as we were dropping Elsie off at our friends, I started having contractions. All I cared about was NOT going into full blown labor before our date night, because dates are rare these days (can I get an amen?!). We had an awesome night out and my contractions started getting timeable and steady before bed. So, I took a shower and tried to get some sleep, knowing that I had a long day ahead of me. Well, as I slept, my contractions completely tapered off, and by the morning they were all gone. I was determined to enjoy that day not being in labor, and prayed that the contractions actually did something.
That day (Saturday) was the only day that week that we didn’t have plans, and we had a fun, laid back day as a family at home. That whole afternoon I just felt ‘off’ and slightly nauseous. At 3:30 I started getting the same type of contractions as the night before but I was convinced they would just taper off again. Jeremy and Elsie were working on a project in the garage, so I decided not to even tell him and just see where it went. I took a shower and walked around upstairs thinking it might be the real deal, but that I still had a long road ahead. My labor with Elsie was sixteen hours, so I thought “Second kid, maybe it’‘ll drop down to ten or eleven hours?”. An hour after they started, I came downstairs and told Jeremy I thought that it was the real thing and we both gave each other the same nervous, excited look we did when I had Elsie. He encouraged me to call my mom to come down and pick Elsie up. I called her, but didn’t want to have her come all the way down for them to taper off. So I was really nonchalant about it, and told her to come down when she could, and we could at least have dinner together and hang out if nothing happened. Because I was still in denial it was happening, she went and got her oil changed, packed, and took her time because I still thought I had a while to go.
But things just kept progressing. Jeremy asked me when we should go to the hospital, and I told him once I seemed drugged out during contractions and wasn’t talking, just recovering between contractions then we should head over. I labored as long as I could at home when I had Elsie, and I wanted the same thing this time. But, even though the contractions were getting more intense and powerful, I was still joking and talking between them and was seriously in denial that I was progressing so quickly. I knew walking was so good, but it was THE last thing I wanted to do when I labored with Elsie, so this time I knew I just had to do it, no matter how painful it was. Jeremy called my doula around 6:30 and I did laps (waddling) from my front door to the back door while Jeremy and Elsie ate dinner and watched a movie. I love how normal it was that I was in labor. There was such a comfort in the fact that I could hear my neighbors clanking around in the backyard, and normal life was going on all around me....and I was just having a baby.
Elsie was so sweet as she saw me go through some contractions, and said ‘Mama have an owie....but she so happy? Me pray for you.’ It melted me and reminded me how she would comfort me when I was so sick in the beginning of pregnancy. Something that I loved so much about birth this time was that I was so much more present than the first time. I felt everything intensely, but there was this crazy serenity in it all. Whereas, the first time, I was just trying to get through it. This time I really embraced it all. My doula came over around 7 and my mom got here at the same time to get Elsie. Ronda (my doula) just sat back quietly and watched me get through some contractions (to kind of gage what stage I was in) and asked if she could check me. I told her yes, only because I didn’t want to go to the hospital earlier than I needed to. I was still convinced I had a while to go.
She checked me and I was dilated to a 7 with bulging waters and she looked at me so sweetly and calmly and said ‘If we don’t go to the hospital right now, you’re going to have this baby at home.’ Jeremy scrambled to pack his bag (and took a shower and shaved his beard, little stinker), and we drove to the hospital. It was one of those crazy time-stood-still moments as we drove over. I remember the exact streets we drove down and people coming out of which houses, as I had this nervous excitement at how my world was about to change. We arrived at the hospital and walked up to my room, and once we got there my nurse gave my doula a giant hug! They knew each other from church, and this was a huge relief for me, because, so often, there can be tension in the delivery room between doulas and nurses. In that moment, I totally relaxed and felt like it was exactly the tone I had hoped for in the delivery room.
Can I just say that my nurses were INCREDIBLE! We are so spoiled at Cottage Hospital with the best of the best. They championed for me the entire time and came alongside of me. They let me labor exactly how I wanted, and never discouraged me. We arrived at the 7:30pm and I basically just walked around the labor room, totally in the zone. I went through transition and didn’t realize it. Again, the only word I can use to describe labor this time was ‘present’. I was so aware of it all. Crazy pain and all, it felt so real, but empowering. I walked and walked, would get a contraction, and lean against whatever was close, usually Jeremy or the bed. My nurse even let me try to put in an IV port while I walked around and then waited for me to have a break, and tried while I rested over the side of the bed (I declined an IV, but they usually always want you to at least have a port in at the hospital if anything happens and you need it). Things progressed quickly, and she ended up not being able to get it in, so we just skipped it. Posie was on her way! My nurse and my doula knew exactly what I needed in each moment; when to ask questions, when to let me be by myself, when to rub my back. I’m so grateful for the awesome team that I had.
My friend who’s a L & D delivery nurse saw that we were there that night and asked to be switched to our room, so she was there helping while I pushed and she was also there when I had Elsie. It was so awesome to have her both times, and she was an amazing part of the team. I started pushing around 7:45 and was able to walk around for a lot of that, which was the absolute best because getting on the bed was THE worst. Finally at the very end, they had me get up on the bed and after a few pushes (maybe 20 minutes) Posie started coming. The on call doctor made it just in time, and I remember being so grateful for how they let me push on my own. They knew my body knew what to do, and let me do my thing. The last push before she came out, I just laid and recovered and caught my breath for what felt like a few minutes. And the whole room went silent. No one pressured me to keep pushing, they let me recover before the last big hurrah. I’m so incredibly grateful for that moment.
Posie came out at 8:36 and they put her right up on my chest. Elsie had meconium in my water and her heart rate started decelling (turns out her cord was wrapped tightly three times), so they had the NICU team there when she came. Because of that we didn’t get things like skin and skin right away, and Jeremy didn’t get to cut the cord. It’s little things like that this time that I felt so incredibly grateful for. After I had Elsie (also naturally), it was an out of body experience, but in a really surreal way. Like I wasn’t really there. I was so weak and drained. This time I felt like I had the biggest oxitocyn rush of my life. I seriously felt like I could run a marathon. It was incredible. Posie started nursing right away and we were just smitten. And, it was so cool because my friend (who we shared a doula with) went into labor the same night, and we ended up being in L & D rooms right next to each other! So our doula was able to help them as she went into her room as I was being wheeled out. So awesome!
Now, Posie’s two months old and cuddling up on my chest right now. She is such a different baby than Elsie, and we’re having so much fun getting to know her. She nurses like a champ, and breastfeeding has been such a dream this time (let’s just say last time I had mastitis five times, antibiotic shots everyday, and finally ended up at a breast cancer surgeon with the biggest abcess they had ever seen). I’m so grateful for how much easier recovery and nursing has been. I learned a lot the first time around, and knew this time how to do things differently. Can I just say how heavenly lavender oil and epsom salt sitz baths are for recovery! And, because nursing has been so much easier, we’ve been able to get out of the house so much more. Whenever I felt a twinge of baby blues, we’d hop in the car and watch the sunset at the beach. It’s amazing how getting outside can help postpartum hormones.
It’s also amazing how much your heart can love a little one, and how God gives you just as much love the second time around. And, it’s crazy how I keep falling deeper in love with Jeremy and Elsie through it all. I’m so grateful for two amazing, darling daughters and that we are a family of four! Jeremy has loved me and supported me more than I could even imagine. It hasn’t been easy, by any means, but God’s grace has totally been over this transition and His goodness over all of us. We love you Posie Archer! We’re so glad that you’re ours.
(Above picture by Kim Koop)
